It does not seem as though this is the third scholarship to be decided. May 12th will be a great day for a student who truly deserves a second chance. A student who may have been dealt a bad hand during school or simply made wrong choices yet overcame them will be awarded Ashley's Scholarship.
The day I award the scholarship is a very bittersweet one. I do cry tears out of missing my little girl, and I cry tears of how wonderful it feels to be able to give back to a student who reminds me so much of Ashley.
It will be only a few days before I read the finalists essays and choose the winner. Their stories are so sad, usually having to deal with situations no child at their age should. Usually their confidence or self esteem has been hampered, and in short some of them might want to give up. I try to choose the one who does not want to give up and has just as much of a desire to attend college as any other other student.
When I award the scholarship the look on the student's face is priceless. This is someone who would least expect being awarded any scholarship, let alone one for $3000.00. I remember the reactions of the first two winners. First there was April, a young girl who was very intelligent, yet was dealt some pretty hard situations growing up. In short she had to grow up faster than she ever should have. I still keep in contact with her and she is doing well. Still in school and achieving her dreams.
The second winner Sarah, she was the spitting image of Ashley. So independent, but not in a good way. But she turned it around admitted her mistakes and persevered and ended her high school years a dedicated student. When I told her she was getting the scholarship she cried and told me thanks for believing in her. She was so grateful.
So who will it be this year. Although heartbreaking to read the essays, it is very rewarding to know I can make a difference in their life and do it through Ashley's memory.
Congratulations to whoever wins.
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
This time of year..............
Losing a family member and in my case my daughter, I have learned to get through the times where I miss her the most. The days I am speaking of are holidays, days that meant something to us, and my birthday. I have learned to find something to do to begin new traditions. Ones I do in honor of my daughter instead of with her. It seems to be settling and give me peace.
Yet there is one week in the year that still really hurts, one that I have not been able to get through without many tears. That week is coming up, and I am attempting to find a way to make it through a little easier. You would think after three years I could deal with this better. In reality a mother never gets over the loss of a child. I do what I do on other Holidays, I find something to do positive, but it is not the same. You see there are three days that fall in this week and that is what makes it hard. I have managed to muddle through 51 weeks of the year and I do pretty well, but this week I am referring to consists of Mother's Day, Ashley's Birthday and the day I award the scholarship.
In 1989 Ashley was born on Mother's Day. So both of these day's hold so much emotion for me and so many memories. This year especially as Ashley would be celebrating her 21st birthday. I promised her a big party for her birthday. These are the memories that hurt the most. The promises I will not be able to fulfill to her. But I will find a way to honor her instead.
Mother's day is a tough one as it is quiet. There is no sound of her voice wishing me a Happy Mother's Day or spending the day together as we did, but again I will find away to honor her on that day as well. People tell me it is Mother's Day, but in reality all Mother's would not have that day if it were not for their child. Like every child Ashley loved birthday's and I always tried to make them memorable. I loved celebrating her birthday and I still do. Ashley's favorite flower was the ink rose and her favorite color...pink.
Each year on her birthday her friends and I get together and we give her pink roses (one for each year) and we release the same amount of pink balloons. Each balloon contains messages from family and friends. We watch them float peacefully into the sky. I always smile as they head in the direction to the mall each year (Ashley's favorite place). Obviously it is not the same as having her with me, but it is my new tradition to honor her.
Then there is the Scholarship. This day is such a bittersweet one. I still cannot get through the presentation of awarding her scholarship without a steady stream of tears, but it is something I need to do to heal. On one hand I look at these students (who are the age of Ashley when she died) and I think of their hopes and dreams and how I am a part in assisting them in those dreams, and the other part of me wished I were assisting Ashley in obtaining financial aid for here own schooling.
What makes it all worth it is the feeling I get once I present that scholarship. It is somewhat indescribable, but each time I do I seem a little more at peace. I know I am doing what I need to do to pay it forward, and I know the memory of my angel lives on. But the one feeling I have each time I do this, (this will be the third year) is I feel Ashley's presence with me more than I ever do. Whether it be my imagination or her presence is with me, it is one thing I cherish of this day.
So although the week is a difficult one for me emotionally and that I don't look forward to it's arrival once a year, there are so many memories I have of the past Birthday's and Mother's Day's and now with her scholarship that somewhat make it a special one. Until now I wanted to avoid because of how emotional it is. Yet in reality I now see I actually look forward to it.
When that week is complete, I know I made a difference to someone. I gave a person who was a complete stranger before the week began a second chance. The same second chance my daughter was given. What better way to honor Ashle's memory is there than that?
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
All in the name of Love
June 9, 2007 was the second most perfect day of my life. It was the date my only child, Ashley, graduated from high school. She liked to test her limits during her high school years and there were times I did not think this day would happen. But it did and I was proud. The most perfect day of my life was when she was born. May 14, 1989.
When your child is born you have so many dreams as to what you want for them in life. As they grow those dreams turn into cherished memories. There are all of the firsts that you anticipate as a mother yet they all pass by so fast. I had so many dreams for my daughter. It was her and I..we were a team. There were days we did not feel that way, but we were.
During Ashley's high school years we had a rough go of it. She did not understand me or my motives any more than I understood hers. We both were not communicating like we should and we were growing apart. An idea that scared me. Choices were made that cost Ashley so much in the way of her education. She got behind and got herself to the point she would fail a semester of her junior year or change her priorities and fix the mistakes that had been made. She chose the latter.
Ashley's high school was a true blessing to both Ashley and I. They never gave up on Ashley, and in their words, she had something in her that they would not give up on. It was because of their dedication and Ashley's determination, that she turned her issues into successes. She made up what needed to be made up and maintained a passing GPA after that. My daughter had overcame many obstacles, and realized her future was not what she originally thought she had wanted. Her future now became one of college, and eventually running her own business.
I was looking forward to the fall when Ashley was going to begin college to make those dreams come true. Her life just beginning...what did her future hold for her? Those questions were answered on June 25, 2007 , sixteen days after her graduation. Ashley was killed in a car accident. Those hopes and dreams and that life that was just beginning suddenly and abruptly came to an end. I was crushed and a piece of me died with her that day.
For anyone who has lost someone very close, especially a child, it changes you drastically. For me, losing my only child made me really look at my life and reevaluate what was important. Although gone, Ashley was and is the biggest part of my life. She died but I did not want her to be forgotten. I needed to make a difference and I needed to do it keeping Ashley's memory alive. It had to be in a big way, because Ashley would expect nothing less.
I met with a great friend of mine, Bill, a few months after Ashley died. We started talking, and I mentioned I wanted to do something in Ashley's memory. After throwing some ideas around, we came up with the idea of a scholarship. This would not be the usual scholarship for the usual scholarship winner. The great student who excelled throughout their high school years, this would be a scholarship for that student who was just like Ashley. The student who needed a second chance.
Although the students who excel deserve recommendation, teenager who has overcome obstacles and turned around their education deserve recommendation as well. They have many of the same hopes and dreams as the student that excels. The only difference is they took a different road to get there. It was then we realized the perfect tribute to my daughter.
Ashley's Second Chance Memorial Scholarship was born. It was created as a tribute to the light of my life my daughter. This scholarship was founded to give other students a chance to further their hopes and dreams, most of all though, this scholarship was created to keep Ashley's memory alive and even more so it was created all in the name of love.
When your child is born you have so many dreams as to what you want for them in life. As they grow those dreams turn into cherished memories. There are all of the firsts that you anticipate as a mother yet they all pass by so fast. I had so many dreams for my daughter. It was her and I..we were a team. There were days we did not feel that way, but we were.
During Ashley's high school years we had a rough go of it. She did not understand me or my motives any more than I understood hers. We both were not communicating like we should and we were growing apart. An idea that scared me. Choices were made that cost Ashley so much in the way of her education. She got behind and got herself to the point she would fail a semester of her junior year or change her priorities and fix the mistakes that had been made. She chose the latter.
Ashley's high school was a true blessing to both Ashley and I. They never gave up on Ashley, and in their words, she had something in her that they would not give up on. It was because of their dedication and Ashley's determination, that she turned her issues into successes. She made up what needed to be made up and maintained a passing GPA after that. My daughter had overcame many obstacles, and realized her future was not what she originally thought she had wanted. Her future now became one of college, and eventually running her own business.
I was looking forward to the fall when Ashley was going to begin college to make those dreams come true. Her life just beginning...what did her future hold for her? Those questions were answered on June 25, 2007 , sixteen days after her graduation. Ashley was killed in a car accident. Those hopes and dreams and that life that was just beginning suddenly and abruptly came to an end. I was crushed and a piece of me died with her that day.
For anyone who has lost someone very close, especially a child, it changes you drastically. For me, losing my only child made me really look at my life and reevaluate what was important. Although gone, Ashley was and is the biggest part of my life. She died but I did not want her to be forgotten. I needed to make a difference and I needed to do it keeping Ashley's memory alive. It had to be in a big way, because Ashley would expect nothing less.
I met with a great friend of mine, Bill, a few months after Ashley died. We started talking, and I mentioned I wanted to do something in Ashley's memory. After throwing some ideas around, we came up with the idea of a scholarship. This would not be the usual scholarship for the usual scholarship winner. The great student who excelled throughout their high school years, this would be a scholarship for that student who was just like Ashley. The student who needed a second chance.
Although the students who excel deserve recommendation, teenager who has overcome obstacles and turned around their education deserve recommendation as well. They have many of the same hopes and dreams as the student that excels. The only difference is they took a different road to get there. It was then we realized the perfect tribute to my daughter.
Ashley's Second Chance Memorial Scholarship was born. It was created as a tribute to the light of my life my daughter. This scholarship was founded to give other students a chance to further their hopes and dreams, most of all though, this scholarship was created to keep Ashley's memory alive and even more so it was created all in the name of love.
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